oh

 

Oh I don’t know!

Was I being cruel?

Maybe

He didn’t ask,

Just said He loved me

And I said Well,

Never mind!

He was splendid to me

You should have seen him

His arms wide, mouth gaping

With laughter

Trying....

To keep Me?

Capture me! As if I was a dove

a fish or sunlight!

Maybe it was a demonstration

Look, He was saying, I am Yours

Everything I am, You will have

But see, he was happy

Blushing, smiling, laughing

In love in love in love

What use was I to him?

Betrayal, abandonment

You throw such horrible words!

I did those things

Going to places, becoming Beautiful

saying, see why He loves Me

I am kind charming funny

intelligent sweet lovely loving

and Beautiful

Not a whore or a bitch or a cunt

I am kind,

lovely

Beautiful

I was not conning him!

He said he’d love me, and I let him

What use was talking after that

Anyway I said all those things

I miss you

I dreamt of you, I thought of you

I missed you I missed you I missed you

Maybe I am playing here

Maybe he says he loves me

and I tell him I love him

and only half of it is true

Maybe I am ripping, tearing

shattering him into pieces

Maybe he is breaking  me

Didn't think of that, did you?

Only that I was cruel, cold, unhappy

miserable woman

sad woman bad woman

selfish woman

Maybe

Who can tell?